3 Easy Ways To Lose Weight While Traveling

There was a scene in the film, Se7en, in which a guy who looks like your average StarCraft player is found having basically eaten himself to death. Now, I’ve looked into the research surrounding food-related fatalities, and it is startlingly deficient in Brad Pitt. As a result, I have come to the conclusion that it is time we travelers put down our umbrella-clad drinks and start solving crime instead. Wait, no, that wasn’t it... I mean we should start getting in shape, improving our health, and refuse to ship our decapitated heads FedEx.*

"WHAT'S IN THE BOX?!"

1) High-carb.

Not too many people know this about me, but I used to write as a blogger for PETA. At the time, it seemed like the perfect combination of my love for animals and of making obscure 1980’s film references. One caveat, however, was a contractual obligation to be vegan.

You can imagine, for a girl who’s been known to drive four hours out of Oregon just to reach an In-N-Out, how much of a challenge this was. But fresh off my collegiate hippie phase and as intimately familiar with Boca as any Bay Area resident, I managed just fine.

Pros: Your healthcare provider will no longer quietly weep in the corner while you cheerfully butter your bacon.

Cons: Even vegans can turn into Stay Puft on a diet of draft beer and fries.

2) Low-carb.

Are you currently living in a country that considers rice a utensil? Is it impossible for you to brush your hair without pastry flaking from your scalp? If you answered yes, then you might be the perfect candidate for low-carb dieting! It’s simple, really – just make a list of everything delicious in your life. Now throw that list away because for the next several weeks, the world is a dark and cruciferous place.

Pros: Results are immediate and, depending where you go, you’ll likely fit right in since Asian women swear by this.

Cons: You’d suck down your shampoo like a smoothie if it contained fruit extracts.

3) Or, you know, just exercise once in a while.

Part of the fun of traveling to a new country is getting to experiment with all of the exotic dishes and deep-fried faunae they specialize in. And as such, I have devised a most elegant solution: Move.

It doesn’t have to be a lot – just taking the stairs at the airport coupled with a smidgen of sightseeing. And beyond the chaffing of the first 24-hours, it’s actually a pretty painless way to go.

Pros: Outside of L.A., walking is a socially acceptable activity.

Cons: Oh, I’m sorry. We’re you expecting recommendations of green tea extract and monkey placenta? Bitch, please.

*I am not a medical doctor. However, if you’d like to send me your health insurance copay, please make checks payable to:

Consumer Advocates for Systematic Healthcare (CASH)
Zhuhai City, Guangdong Province
The People’s Republic of China