4 Things I Wish I Knew When I Graduated College

It has been almost three years now since I first graduated college and of all the life lessons I’ve learned (you’re too old to be day drinking, movie montages lie about the ease of learning martial arts, and it is deceptively simple to get yourself killed in foreign countries), these are the best four I can pass on:

1) There’s no such thing as “The One.”

That One Job, One Apartment, even that One Relationship – it’s so tempting to think about things in such black and white terms. This is especially true of romance, where the first person you meet who shares your mutual interest in ‘Mumford & Sons’ and agrees that Jeff Goldblum is underrated instantly becomes the future mother of your children. But there are literally thousands and thousands of versions of whatever it is that has you so starry-eyed this week, and thank God that’s the case. Living in a world with no “perfect” anything means endless opportunities to be equally if not more happy, all with the benefit of not being treated as shabbily as you were this last time.

2) Nothing you do now will ruin your chances later.

I spent my first two years out of school living in constant terror of making the “wrong” move. With the simultaneous clusterf*ck that is the economy and having no realistic expectation with how the real world works, I found myself bouncing from one place to the next, desperately applying to jobs I thought could magically rescue me while shunning those that seemed to brand you a failure. Luckily, there is almost nothing you can do now (short of racking up massive debt) that will have any impact whatsoever on your future success. So go ahead and take that barista job at Starbucks or drop everything and travel the world! Until you turn 25, all is forgiven.

3) Reintroduce your family to… yourself.

You may not know this, but your family? They kick ass. Not only did they put up with your ironic mustache during sophomore year, they did so without legally disowning you and moving to Ontario. A lot of them even paid for your sorry ass to go to school and tried not to punch you in the gut when you spent your textbook money on booze. So give your parents a hug and apologize to your various siblings; you’re a real-live adult now and yes, that means you do your own damn laundry.

4) Holidays are finite, so make them count.

Around the first six months on your own, you start to realize that holidays and the committee organized celebrations that you’ve always enjoyed are not a given. You have to work on Halloween, and are too tired from your latest big project to go out on St. Patty’s. Fourth of July seems reserved for families or people who own barbeques and since incendiary devices are forbidden on your fire escape, you might be tempted just to stay in and watch the Project Runway marathon. Now I’d slap you if I weren’t a series of typed letters on a computer screen; life is short and if you’re willing to make a New Year’s resolution to lose weight you sure as hell can make one to enjoy each holiday to its fullest.